Hell Is Empty

Spencer and Toby visited The Grunwald in Ravenswood to ask about her connection to Alison back in her GZX days, but the Grunwald was too busy being creepy to help much. Later, Tobes got mad when Spencer -- bored with being in his storyline about his dumb dead mom -- finally spilled the beans to the Liars about how he basically never left the A-Team.

Wren Kingston hit an impasse when Mona (correctly) deduced that he is a Redcoat minion -- and in fact, the same one that got Veronica Hastings thrown off Ashley's defense in the Wilden murder, and Mona herself tossed back in Radley. Meanwhile, Ashley got out on bail thanks to Pastor Ted, but is probably on her way back in. Hanna's been going nuts about all this -- and has no idea Caleb is leaving for Ravenswood. (She did, however, meet a dreamboat new boy from the blue-collar world of gas stations.)

CeCe Drake maybe tried to murder Jenna and is definitely spying on everybody wearing both the red and, at times, the black. When a homeless Emily was temporarily relocated to Alison's old bedroom, she discovered Redcoat's shivery crawlspace hiding spot, and the Liars learned that Ali and CeCe shared quite an intimate bond. Emily and Paige decided to wait out the clock in bliss, rather than worrying about the messiness of their impending breakup.

Meanwhile: Aria has so many boyfriends! Whatever will she do.

BREAKFAST DEBRIEF

Hanna: "If they're announcing Travis on the news as a witness in the murder, they must believe him. So then why bring in my mom for a lineup?"
Aria: "I guess like procedures?"
Hanna: "Yeah, but what if A gets to him and shuts him up?"
Aria: "Come on! Nobody is that unlucky. Except, I guess, all of you."

A package has arrived, addressed to all the Liars: Four Magic Eight-Balls in a satin-lined case, with a customized message. "If she goes free, you'll hear from me. Kisses -- A." Aria's is just the last letter, which seems fitting. She actually seems kind of bored by all this, which I love. More so, I love the fact that A is just blatantly admitting that she's culpable for the murder and needs the Liars to make sure Ashley stays framed. Isn't that what A is saying? It's not, "Because fucking with your mom is funny" or anything like that, it's straight-up: "If you foul this up for me, there will be consequences."

Aria: "So. CeCe's coming for us?"
Emily: "Bring it! Maybe then she'll leave our parents alone."
Spencer: "Or did she just declare... #WorldWarA?"

Meanwhile at the station, Travis stares at all the ladies in the lineup, but doesn't identify Ashley right away.

THE TEMPEST

Ezra gives the class a thinly veiled speech about how what The Tempest* is really about is how it's cool for high school teachers to fuck children, and then asks Aria to stay behind when class is over.

Ezra: "A lot of scholars are too afraid of that revolutionary interpretation, but one day I'll publish. One of these days, God damn it. Anyway, thanks for coming over the other night. I really needed to offload my immense baggage on somebody because I am a gaping pit of need and you're just a child so you don't know the difference."
Aria: "I was happy to hold your hand through your made-up tantrum. As a friend."

*Aeriél Miranda is the name of the actress who plays Shana -- boo, hiss -- which makes for a weird moment when her name pops up in the middle of this scene. Like it's a sneaky trick of the show so we won't know that so-and-so is back from the dead or whatever. But, nope, just a neat, pretty girl with a relatively thankless job.

Well, and I guess I can see him drawing the parallel: most of the story is Prospero basically putting the dude through his paces because he doesn't want him to have his daughter and/or to prove himself worthy of the daughter, manipulating time and space with arrogance, which is: Ezra's life and career as determined by Byron Montgomery. So it's actually a fairly great way to spin Ezra's perspective on everything. Well done.

Aria: "Hey, Jake! I was just not thinking of you. We still on for tonight?"
Jake: "Sure, baby."
Aria: "There's a contemporary poetry reading at the Br..."
Jake: (Click.)

Aria: "Dinner and a movie and actually interacting with each other it is. Man, I miss going to poetry readings with Ezra and other horrible activities of similar character."

RWPDHQ

Ashley watches Caleb mutely caressing Hanna's hair in the station, and marvels at how boring teenagers in love can actually be, but also, how darling.

Ashley: "Thanks for taking care of Hanna while I've been in jail."
Caleb: "This whole thing sucks, Mrs. Marin. And can I just say, you are a fucking champ. It explains a lot about Hanna's greatness. Good job not breaking into a million pieces."
Ashley: "You can call me Ashley if you want. You're basically family."

The DA (whom you may know as Marcia Clark, if you are old) comes out and all of a sudden all the charges are dropped and Caleb nods a grateful nod at Travis and he might as well be saying, "Well, as the next boyfriend you sure are hot, which is good." They should kiss, like that time Madonna kissed Britney and gave her all of her powers, so that Christina Aguilera would get fat. Do it!

AFTER SCHOOL

Paige: "So you've still got an omniscient murderer on your tail, huh? I gotta say, it gives me pause."
Emily: "A terrorist is someone who controls through fear. We don't give in to them."
Paige: "But if it really is CeCe... She just seems like she's everywhere."
Emily: "And nowhere. But once we find her, we got her. And then it's all over."
Paige: "Fine, but you're living with me from now on. Puffy drapes and a comforting sense of safety."
Emily: "I can't believe the whole time I've been homeless this hasn't been the #1 thing on your agenda. Hell, kinda lesbian, are you."

MARIN

After Spencer leaves Toby about a million voice mails: "Please at least call Emily, or Caleb, if you won't talk to me. Not that you have any goddamn right to be mad." Ashley comes down stairs in a fashion-forward black dress from a sexy future world, ready for her first date outside the house. It is with Pastor Ted, not a bottle of wine, but I'm guessing she downed a couple of those on the way home. "Caleb, can you drive us home? And stop at the nearest 7-Eleven."

Another 4-person package arrives the second she is gone, and Aria's immediately like, "What if we just ignore it? We could write Return To Sender on it, drop it off at the USPS, never worry about this again."

Spencer: "First of all, we can't win the game if we don't know what we're playing. Second of all, A totally just said she was coming after us for Ashley, so we kind of already know the deal."

Ooh, child. It is a tiny white coffin. And inside it is a toddler-sized doll (nerdy glasses; My Buddy/Kid Sister bib overalls completing the look) of Mona Vanderwaal! I do not like the sound of that, A.

Hanna: "Yes, Radley Sanitarium? I was just calling to see if any of your inmates have recently gone missing, been killed, or turned into dorky dolls and mailed to people? No? Okay, thanks. You guys? That's not Mona. It is merely symbolic."
Liars: "Then why do we give a fuck? We love it when she suffers or is murdered."
Aria: "Oh wait, here's why we care. A note from A. We're being framed for her murder in retaliation for Ashley going free and possibly because CeCe is now the lead suspect."
A: "Hanna wins, Mona loses. Find her before the cops do, or you'll be framed for her murder."
Liars: "God damn it, Mona."

The News: "A new photorealistic and frankly beautiful pencil sketch of CeCe Drake has just been produced by the world's most talented sketch artist in connection with Darren Wilden's death..."
Caleb: "Yeah, that's clearly CeCe Drake. Anyone who has ever seen CeCe Drake will understand that that is CeCe Drake just from looking at it."
Hanna: "Also, Mona's either checked out or was transferred, they won't tell me."
Spencer: "Then I better visit Wren Kingston and get to twerkin'. Emily, you check if Mona's at her French Club meeting she has every week at this time, in her schedule that I obviously have memorized."
Emily: "So she gets out of a mental institution on the day we're being framed for her murder, and your first thought is that she would go to French Club?"
Spencer: "We're two of a kind. You don't fuck around with extracurriculars, not even this late in the game."
Emily: "Fine, but I'm taking Paige with me."

Aria: "I'll cancel my date with Jake."
Hanna: "No, you stay close to him, he is a fighter. I'm off to find Mona on my own, however."
Caleb: "Wait, what? Mona could totally be in on this. Think hard. She's probably eating popcorn, watching us play Desperately Seeking Mona..."

Love the way you talk, as always. Plus, what a notable reference to make, considering that movie was about two blonde girls switching lives and/or souls.

Hanna: "On the other hand, though, consider that if CeCe has Mona, and the cops are on her tail, she has nothing to lose. It's Masquerade Ball/Dead Man's Curve all over again, but this time with Mona as the hostage."
Caleb: "Valid. Guess I'll just stare into space while you're all off getting murdered."

KINGSTON MANOR

Spencer sneaks a peek into Wren's house, which is the kind of mess you get when you're in the process of moving out or taking a long trip. Hmm. Back around the side of the house is Jenna's time-traveling old people car, and we see -- though Spence does not -- Shana, hiding desperately inside where Spencer can't see her.

FRENCH CLUB

Is amazing. They're all wearing berets and boat necks, eating soufflés, being cowards, hating freedoms; there is a neon Eiffel Tower and accordion music; and yet another obnoxious woman named Jackie -- what did a Jackie ever do to this show? -- decides to pull that en français s'il vous plait bullshit on them just to be a dick. It's wonderful.

Emily: "I have a French app on my phone from when I went to Haiti, hang on."
ibid.: [French]
Jackie: [French]
Emily: "Ah, that would be the downside. Can you repeat that slowly into my phone, and project your voice?"
Paige: "CUT THE CRAP, JACKIE. Where the eff is Mona Vanderwaal?"
Jackie: "Fine. She called me this morning, on her way home from Radley. She said she was coming, and then she didn't. What a dick, too. This was her welcome back party."

Chilling. Every day of Mona's life is a day spent waiting for somebody, anybody, to welcome her. And now you got a whole party -- of people we've seen her treat like dicks before -- and she can't even be there. That's so sad! Not Jenna Thing sad, but pretty close to Jenna sad.

TOBY

Is going through a box of dumb mom junk from his dumb mom like a Mother's Day card with a fairly beautiful drawing on it of a face. He looks at thousands of objects and the hashtag says #PoorToby and poor Toby's face says #PoorToby and the folk music says #PoorToby and poor Toby says #PoorToby and when Spencer calls him yet again he is too #PoorToby to answer the phone.

Downstairs in the Brear Window, Shana is just about finished up making scary death plans for scary deaths, paperwork for murders, bills of lading for comeuppances yet to be delivered. She drops one thing, and #PoorToby snags it: the carbon slip from a parcel addressed to Wren Kingston... In London! What? How is he supposed to smooch us from way over there? It just doesn't make sense.

#PoorToby: "Spencer, I'm saying this as angrily as I possibly can so you know you're still in trouble, but I have to tell you three interesting things about a strange parcel."

HASTINGS

Spencer: "So my sister moves to London, and then Wren moves to London... I really thought that bitch was for real when she said she was escaping this whole mess."
#PoorToby: "And meanwhile Shana is sending them parcels? I thought Shana hated Melissa. Remember? It was Jenna and Shana afraid of Melissa, the three of them afraid of Wilden, and then Wilden was afraid of..."
Spencer: "Yeah, I remember, Toby. Why would they keep this a secret?"
#PoorToby: "Probably because you're still in love with him!"
Spencer: "Oh boy. You're not making sense, which means we need to calm you down, which means talking about your prissy blowup at the hoedown. Which means I have to ask if you're going to run off like an asshole again."
#PoorToby: "Unclear at this time."

Spencer: "You could have sent me a text or email asking for space, and I would have given it to you. Instead, you repeated the exact sequence of events that led me to the fucking nuthouse. Do you not understand how selfish that is?"
#PoorToby: "I didn't think of that. Also, you were stupid for thinking I was dead."
Spencer: "Uh, no. You're stupid for not caring that I went to a mental hospital, rather than whether it was correct for me to do so. Relationships aren't debate club, you can't logic me out of reality."
#PoorToby: "Look, I run away from problems without warning or basic compassion or a single care for someone other than myself. Accept it."
Spencer: "I guess I can do that, considering I do the same thing in the other direction. But does this mean you're not going to look for A anymore?"
#PoorToby: "Yeah, I decided A's version of the truth is more likely to be a lie and also get us all murdered and probably was just intended to break the Liars and their loved ones apart, like always."
Spencer: "Oh, you just figured that out? If only somebody had told you that, eleven episodes in a row."
#PoorToby: "Kind of makes this whole dumb storyline about my dumb mom even more dumb, huh."

MONTGOMERY

Jake has fallen asleep while watching an old Aria movie I don't recognize but looks very suspenseful. The last old movie I watched was called California and it featured Barbara Stanwyck shooting people for no reason with no warning -- bedrooms, foyers, she doesn't care -- until finally they were like, "Barbara, literally everybody in this movie is in love with you, you need to stop shooting at us all the time" and she was like, "Shut up, I know... SIKE" and then just kept shooting everybody. It was awesome.

They were also into throwing bombs at each other, like old-time cannonball-looking Tom & Jerry bombs, whenever they got pissed. There was a mean industrialist named MISTER COFFIN who eventually fought a leprechaun to become the Mayor of Monterrey, and every so often everybody stops what they're doing to sing a song about the Gold Rush, or sometimes about fucking. It starts with a ten minute long song about California that makes no sense and has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. It is a men's chorus singing and then random people interrupting to say random things that are sometimes -- but not always -- facts about California.

Chorus: "Oh, California is where it's going down..."
Little Boy: "I heard the redwoods are so big you could carve a whole Presbyterian church out of one of them!"
Other Boy: "Yeah, and have enough wood left over to build a synagogue!"
You: "Uh, WHAT?"
Chorus: "Don't even worry about it! California..."
Old Black Lady: "California is where the sun puts its feet up on the Rockies and is like, whatever. I don't feel like cooking."
Chorus: "California, where your feet are in the..."
Random Person: "The soil is so rich you can grow a variety of vegetables!"

Also Barbara Stanwyck invites a man into her caravan wagon and makes fun of him for not raping her right there, so he punches her in the face and then she goes, "If I live long enough -- and I will -- I'm going to pull you down off that fancy horse of yours and shove your face in the muck." It is ... probably the best movie I have ever seen in my life. I haven't stopped thinking about it in over two weeks. "If I live long enough, AND I WILL."

Anyway, Jake's asleep and Aria pauses the movie and then passive-aggressively smiles as he's waking up.

Aria: "You want me to make some coffee?"
Jake: "I could use the rest. Can we not do this later?"
Aria: "But if I don't force you to pretend to enjoy the things that I enjoy, how do I know if I'm winning?"

Don't Be That Guy, Aria Montgomery. If this is the only option, throw the fish back. You don't deserve him, and Ezra was born for this shit anyway. )<>(, back and forth, forever.

STAKEOUT

Caleb: "Somebody's upstairs at Mona's house, I swear."
Hanna: "Just sitting up there in the dark? Like in a rocking chair or something?"
Caleb: "Does that not sound like classic Mona to you? Remember the scenario where this is all a trick to fuck with us?"
Hanna: "She's been pretty good backup this year. And she wouldn't have confessed to the murder if I hadn't put the idea in her head. The idea of putting the idea in my head, which then went into her head while she was putting it in my head."
Caleb: "Even if she's in trouble, that's still really not your fault. Come on."
Hanna: "Not all love is guilt, my werewolf friend."

MCCULLERS

Paige: "Stop staring out the window for incoming vehicles. You're safe."
Emily: "I'm not worried about us, I'm worried about Mona. Specifically about how we went one single place to find her where we knew she wouldn't be, and then called it a day."
Emily's Dad: "DOOR!"

Paige opens the door, and they feel queasy about being teen gays, but then Emily points out that their parents would have the same rule without regard to gender, so this is living.

Paige: "Let's watch a movie and just wait for the chips to fall. Mona dies, whatever. CeCe has DID and lives under bridges and goes to jail, great."
Emily: "Uh, that's really not very proactive. Or cool."
Paige: "This bitch tried to kill all of you. For three seasons of a show."
Emily: "But we turned her into that in the first place. You've seen our pack mentality in action, you know how we get. And that's even without the head of the snake."
Paige: "As a person driven pretty much insane by Alison DiLaurentis myself, I can tell you that you are not culpable there."
Emily: "Conscious neglect is equivalent to perpetration..."
Paige: "Oh, here we go."

THE BREAR WINDOW

Aria: "How weird to see you at this poetry reading. How was it? I missed it."
Ezra: "It was so intense. It reminded me of this short fiction you wrote."
Aria: "The one about the cat? Found, but lost? How do you remember this shit?"
Ezra: "Well Aria I'm a pedophile and I'm obsessed with you. Also, I thought it was about your dead friend Ali."
Aria: "Yeah, you're probably right. I don't really like to constrain my creativity with too much prescriptive interpretation. Hey, let's have a coffee and stare into each other's eyes."
Ezra: "Isn't fiction so fascinating?"
Aria: "All forms of art are fascinating. Let's chat about it."

Caleb hangs onto sleepy Hanna in the car outside Mona's house, while Paige holds Emily in her lap and watches the movie, stroking her arm and her hair, so sweetly. Toby hangs onto Spencer... this is such a nice little moment in the middle of the episode. They need a fuckin' break, these girls. Aria finally kisses Ezra, and then they -- kind of awesomely -- go straight back to talking excitedly about art and whatever. It's pretty awesome, this sudden darting kiss and then a second of the Shusher's widest eyes and then right back to being pretentious, with Ezra just sitting there knowing better than to move or even blink in case he ruins it. Beautiful.

Also beautiful: the blonde chick, wearing the black hood, staring from the outside, who apparently finds this moment more notable than either of those two.

NEXT AM

CeCe has been identified -- thanks, I'm guessing, to that amazing sketch of her. Man, if Travis's powers of description are the cause here, I want him to tell me bedtime stories. That is some good wordsmith-ery. Anyway, nothing has really changed for the girls, who are still lounging around in their pajamas trying to get it up for Mona, and failing.

Spencer: "I mean, this has all the earmarks of a big A game, like the talking doll scenario or the Black Swan, but because this new A is so frenzied and fucked up and unhelpful I can't even..."
Aria: "She's going down for Wilden's murder, and she's taking us with her. That's the game. Not really a game so much as a shit storm, out of petty spite."
Spencer: "Yeah, but how crazy would you have to be, to think we would give a shit about Mona dying?"
Emily: "I kind of do."
Hanna: "I feel asleep outside her house."
Spencer: "Well, obviously you two. You're weak. I meant the rest of us."
Aria: "Yep, don't give a single shit about Mona Vanderwaal. Anybody, really. I kind of cared about Jenna for a while, but that's about it."

Package delivery! This time it's a black box like has magic things in it, a false bottom... There it is. They go straight to the sides, and pop it open: Empty.

Hanna: "This is lame. I want to go back to bitching about Mona."
Spencer: "No, it's not empty."
Hanna: "I'm looking right at it, there's no..."
Spencer: (Click! Pop!)

The box splits away into nothingness, revealing a crosscut handsaw scrawled in bright pink lipstick: "Watch me make a girl disappear! -- Kisses, A"

Hanna: "You were a magician at one point? That's hardly surprising."
Spencer: "Yeah, I took home a couple ribbons, NBD."
Aria: "Of course you did."
Spencer: "Okay, so this is all about magic. A magic show. Magic is about misdirection, believing something you know can't be literally true."
Aria: "Okay, and we're the audience?"
Spencer: "We're the doves and rabbits. We're part of the act. And Mona's the girl that disappears forever, and/or gets sawn in half."

D-TEAM

#PoorToby: "I missed hanging out with you. Never had a friend before."
Caleb: "Well, stop faking your dang death and that won't happen. Listen, we're parked here outside Mona's house because I think this disappearance is a Mona trick that just happens to coincide with the manhunt for CeCe Drake. Thoughts?"
#PoorToby: "Nope."
Caleb: "Well, if this is actually Mona doing this, I'm going to murder her myself."
#PoorToby: "Did you sleep at all last night? Go home, I'll take over the stakeout."
Caleb: "Cool, thanks."
#PoorToby: "Bye, I love you!"
Caleb: "Aww, me too buddy."

HASTINGS

Hanna is trying to figure out the magic box solution, while Spencer lectures them all on the history of sawing a lady in half that is equal parts hilarious, creepy, and nerdy. Spencer is really going for it lately, I love it. Hanna yells at her after a few minutes, and then Spencer smirks at her pathetic attempts to recreate the magic of the trick. I'm not sure what we're supposed to parse out from this lecture, but I think it's just to make sure we know Spencer has a backlog of magic trick knowledge, and fandom (she even went to see Criss Angel once) so that once we get to Ravenswood she can save us from delirium with her stone-cold skepticism.

At a loss, Aria and Emily decide to Google magic shops*, but with the help of some targeted ads on the Website Page, they realize what they're meant to be seeing: The Great Charlemagne -- a Mime Magician who combines all the horror of clowns with all the terror of mimes and then makes it magical -- is putting on a show... in Ravenswood. Today.

[This is the point -- as things seem, halfway through, prepped to go right the fuck off the rails -- where, for the second or third week in a row, I wrote out my elaborate theory about all of this and then, by the end of the episode, decided it was either too true and coincidentally spoilery, or too crazy and irrelevant, and deleted it again.]

*Aria's like, "Is there a magic shop in town we don't already know about?" And of course you're like, "Duh, check Brookhaven and Ravenswood. One of them is a strip mall full of creepy shops and boutiques, and the other one, um, magic is fucking real".

Emily: "Spencer, get your car. We have a dimensional portal to traverse."

RAVENSWOOD

Jenna's old-person car comes peeling out of Mona's driveway, and so Toby is now also on the hunt. Everybody's going to Ravenswood! You can actually see the colors fading from the world as we flip into Ravenswood vision.

Spencer: "So Shana is driving Jenna's car, but she's alone."
Hanna: "Then where the hell is Mona?"
Emily: "Uh, clearly Ravenswood, where we are. Keep your peepers peeled."
Spencer: "As it turns out Shana is leading Toby past the exit to Ravenswood."
Aria: "What on Earth lies past Ravenswood? Dragons. There be dragons."
Spencer: "I don't have time to worry about it. I'm just glad phones work in this universe."
Aria: "Or like Oz. Like a shitty, creepy Oz."

The Great Charlemagne puts on his show in that one park where it all goes down, and the Liars stare at the many character actors of Ravenswood, who are crazy looking down to every single one of them. One stares at Hanna, and The Grunwald is there... and then the Great Charlemagne points one horrible clown finger at Aria, and won't give up for anything. He has a black heart on one white cheek and a black dot on the other, and very soulful eyes.

Aria: "Me? No. I don't do boxes. Take Spencer, she loves magic."
TGC, in mime: "Non."
Spencer: "Just do it. You'll be fine."
The Grunwald: "Oh for Chrissake."

Aria steps into the box, and he locks it, waving his steam punk arms around, and Aria's gone. Hanna thinks it's real, of course, and Spencer tells her to chill, and then when he opens the box she's back. Hanna's like, "That was amazing!"

He offers Aria a rose, but it's a joke rose, and then he gives her a real one. The music is insane at this time... And that's when they realize Emily's gone.

A: "Leger de main. Kisses, bitches! -- A"
Spencer: "Before you ask, Hanna, it means sleight-of-hand. While we were watching absolutely nothing happen to Aria -- like every week -- something terrible was happening to Emily. Also like every week."

(Then there is a long teaser for Ravenswood, which looks more and more freakin' amazing every time they release one.)

Emily: "Hello? I'm in a coffin."
Aria: "Are you okay?"
Emily: "No. I am in a fucking coffin."
Aria: "Well, hell. This entire town is a cemetery, so."
Emily: "I hear a sound of a saw, like, industrial..."
Spencer: "The Grunwald lived on Sawmill Road, I'll map it real quick."

They come around a corner and into a warehouse -- seconds behind a hustlin' Redcoat -- where they find Emily, locked in a pine box, on a literal James Bond conveyer belt, moving toward a giant circular saw!

Holy CRAP. I love it more than any single thing in life when this show just straight-up says "Fuck it."

Rather than shoving her off the belt, which I guess isn't feasible, they use a variety of tools to pry Emily out of the coffin, while she goes slowly insane. But then just as they're cracking it open, Redcoat turns off the conveyor belt... While Redcoat! Goes running up some stairs in the middle of the warehouse!

Aria: "Jesus, there are two of them?"

While Hanna helps a still very freaked Emily out of her coffin, Aria and Spencer each pick a Redcoat and go running out into the shadows:

Spencer's Redcoat leads her out onto the street and up some stairs of a boarding house or old-school apartment building...

While Aria's Redcoat leads her up into the catwalks of the saw mill, where she eventually corners the Redcoat and kicks her in the stomach! She goes down! After some marvelous demonstrations of her Tang Soo Do abilities -- HA! -- she finally unmasks CeCe, who jumps to grab a rope but then is saved from falling to her death by a quick-acting Aria -- This is so effing great, I am so glad I am doing this live and unspoiled because I cannot believe a single thing that is happening. Aria Montgomery, you old so-and-so. I have never loved you more -- but it doesn't work. Tiny little Aria can't get her hands around CeCe's Redcoat sleeve, which rips, dropping her from a great height and seemingly killing her.

I can't process all of this. Mona? CeCe? Who on Earth will be left? What shall I do without CeCe Drake? What will become of us?

Having apparently lost her Redcoat in the apartment building, Spencer returns and the Liars converge on CeCe's body. Emily confirms she's dead and the Liars comfort Aria -- who is unspooling due to this accidental death being the second actual thing that has ever happened to her -- but you know that bitch ain't dead. Come on. This is CeCe Drake we're talking about. You gotta cut the head off, fill it with garlic.

...There we go. One twitch, and by the time the girls turn around her ass is long gone. Whew.

Spencer: "Well, whatever. Powerwalk with me to this building where my Redcoat led me. I think she was Ali -- shut up, Emily -- and she wanted me to see a crazy room."

What Spencer believes to be A's Lair -- with that wainscoting from our brief sighting of CeCe during the hoedown, demanding that her partner in crime come back to the Lair -- is covered in giant blown-up pictures of Ali: Happy ones, not sad ones -- Prom Casual Ali, bubblegum-bubble blowing Ali -- but freaky big and way too numerous, all the same. So I guess I was wrong about this being HQ for whatever plan to solve the murder, even though that was a comforting idea.

Two disturbing touches: Slivers of Giant Ali Face pasted in strips onto various panels, and an odd concert poster for The Brew, a very edgy collage that includes like some scary Ravenswood trees, some fire, a bank safe... and somebody looking back at us through one of like, the Eyes of Laura Mars. Further in, there's a series of whiteboards with timelines for all the girls, photos and notes and secrets and everything. So amazing.

Over in that corner where CeCe was, Hanna finds a silver journal? Or like a wedding guestbook or something? I don't recognize it, but she sure seems to, and crams that shit secretly in her purse. Now what, Marin? Now what is happening with you?

Meanwhile, A's got a bank of computer screens that cover the police station, Rosewood CCTV and street cams, their home alarm systems... Aria looks pissed, buddy, but Spencer takes a more intrigued/impressed approach, like, "Well, that's how A's everywhere and nowhere. By literally being everywhere and nowhere. That's a relief! I thought she was God this whole time, but no…just Mona-squared."

MEANWHILE

Toby has followed Shana beyond Ravenswood, beyond the Goblin Castle and into the mysteries, to the River Valley Bed & Breakfast, where she's meeting with... a very put-together looking Mona, who's wearing a cute black sweater with white hearts on it. Shana hands her a slip of paper, and Mona allows her to sit on the porch with her.

Mona: "You sure she's okay with this?"
Shana: "She doesn't have a choice."

Thoughts? I think at this point we're talking about Jenna, meaning that Mona is about to blow something up and Jenna is finally having to go along with it. I hope it works out for everybody!

A-LAIR

A time-lapse as the Liars investigate the investigation of themselves, poring over their lives. Caleb on phone support, Hanna attempts to hack into A's computers, but to no avail.

Caleb: "Well, we know Mona's safe, and Toby's sticking to the B&B, so I don't really need to hold down the fort here. I guess I'll take a bus to Ravenswood, since Toby ran off with my car?"
Hanna: "I'm not gonna say don't come, I mean, I'm over that now. We have A, whatever else is going on, so I don't mind you coming to join me."
Caleb: "We should make these last moments count. I wonder if any strange curses or raven feathers or mystical statues will make themselves known to me on this, my first trip there as far as I know."

Spencer: "I found her bank account. She formed a corporation..."
Aria: "Hey, wasn't CeCe at Wharton?"
Spencer: "Don't say that word to me. And also, I don't think this is her. I see two payments to her, last week, right here on the ledger."
Emily: "Like maybe she was being paid be Redcoat?"
Aria: "Yeah, to lead us away from Ali..."

The Eyes are like, "Maybe." Ugh, so creepy that the Eyes are just hanging out like that, watching them. Gloating. Why is this show so perfect.

Meanwhile, Hanna discovers an armoire full of men's suits and shoes: Is A, after all, a man? Let's see some measurements on that shit. If tiny, it's Ezra. If huge, it's Jake. Anywhere in between, it's Byron! Just kidding, but who could it be? They stare and stare but don't investigate the clothes at all, and then Hanna finds a picture album of candids with ol' Alison, including one shirt Hanna remembers her buying for a date with an "old guy." Boardshorts? The hottie related to Tippi who might be Boardshorts? Beach Hottie?

Spencer: "Ian? Maybe Wren? That whole Shana connection still freaks me out."
Aria: "No, there's a timeline for Wren, see? Right here, this picture..."
Spencer: "Have we talked about Boardshorts yet? These pictures are pretty Boardshortsy, pretty Cape May-oriented, and the name of the company is the same as [*], her favorite beach there."

*(Higbee? Shobby? Some other word Spencer dubbed in later because they found out Higbee attracts nudists, and impressionable Eastern Seaboard youths might want to go to Alison-approved places but shouldn't have the entire Rosewood Experience happen to them if they do? Or maybe it's just pronounced that way, because of how New England is weird. "Worcestershire was Alison's favorite condiment.")

Hanna: "So if Boardshorts is the photographer... Is that who CeCe's working for?"
Emily: "And check out this letter he saved, it says she lied about her age and she was planning on meeting him down the shore. That trip to Cape May really was about having sex with a boy. Jessica was right all along!"
Aria: "And check out the backside of these whiteboards, which are also whiteboards! A's been tracking Alison, or Redcoat, as well. Here she is at the Lodge, and then he tracks her all the way to Ravenswood..."
Emily: "Wait, if Ali's actually alive like you dorks have been saying this whole time, then whose funeral did we go to?"

Hanna spots a gas-mask costume -- which we saw last time we were here -- and the invite to a "Night To Remember" celebrating the "long and storied" history of Ravenswood, in the cemetery of course because that's how they roll here, and it would seem Alison was supposed to attend. Oh, and it's tonight! Party's at eight, Alison DiLaurentis will be arriving at 11. Presumably in period attire.

Liars: "WTF."
Everybody: "WTF."
Spencer: "Okay, so then we have to find her first, to protect her from the man in the gas mask. PS, obviously everybody will be wearing gas masks."
Nobody: "Also, Alison is not alive, she is dead."

OUTSIDE

The Grunwald: "You bitches aren't invited to the party. Don't even bother."
Liars: "How did you kno..."
The Grunwald: "Because I'm the Grunwald. Get outta here with that shit. And don't even bother chasing her."
Aria: "You mean Alison?"
Spencer: "Uh, that you said you never met? Right before the birds started dropping out of the sky?"
The Grunwald: "Sorry I lied, but I'm protecting her."
Liars: "From whom?"
The Grunwald: "That's what she was calling me to find out."
Hanna: "How could you help? From here?"

The Grunwald: "BECAUSE I'M THE GRUNWALD, are you deaf? I have magic powers. Look at my weird eyes! Look at my weird awesome face! Look how I dress like a witch! Are you STUPID?"

The Grunwald: "Basically I was using my psychic powers [called it, by the way] to augment Alison's own psychic powers, so she could go backwards through the creeper vibe and find out who was creeping on her."
Liars: "Surprise, it did not help."
The Grunwald: "They got her anyways. But then I, The Grunwald, was like, I feel a ESP, so I drove to Rosewood and pulled her out of her gazebo grave. It was very gross and it was the middle of the night. She cried and acted all weird, due to shock. I drove her to the hospital in my crazy old-timey car. But she wasn't in the car when I got there and went to get help. All of a sudden my psychic powers -- that could find a girl under a gazebo in another town entirely -- were no longer working. So I came back here to Ravenswood, because it was way past my bedtime."

Emily: "Wait. So she's not dead?"
The Grunwald: "Kind of! Didn't you know you have psychic powers and everybody has psychic powers and that is just science? She's hiding out because she can't trust anybody."
Hanna: "Uh, she can trust us. Look at the shit we are going through right now. And for a while before now."
The Grunwald: "I AM THE GRUNWALD AND I DON'T THINK SO."
Aria: "So why didn't you go to the cops?"
The Grunwald: "Because she doesn't want to be found! And you have to leave Ravenswood! Gasmask is waiting for you to find Ali, not the other way around."

There's a weird laugh of a girl out in the mist and then The Grunwald feels a ESP of Gasmask, and she's like, "Peace out" and abruptly bounces, because she has Grunwald shit to do.

THE JITNEY TO RAVENSWOOD

Is like a normal bus except it is foggy in there and it's always autumn and dried leaves and feathers -- sorry if you have allergies -- and when you look out the window you can see over everybody's head an old-timey clock counting down the days and hours until their death. It sounds like a black train chugging forward, and it only goes one way, and the only snacks are pomegranate seeds. You better not eat 'em. Also, no bathroom breaks, which sucks because the bathroom in there is haunted by the ghost of a raven.

It is a permanent midnight and all you want to do is sleep, but you cannot sleep. Just stare forward in the darkness, silently, like everybody else. You don't wanna meet their eyes. If they ask to use your phone, just say it's almost out of batteries. Their voices get in there and you can't ever get them out. Call your mom, who knows who you'll end up talking to; they'll tell you to do stuff, don't do it. Just get a new phone. Get a new everything. Leave all your stuff behind you, if you take the Ravenswood Jitney. It's not worth it.

MEANWHILE

Emily: "Fuck a buncha soothsayer..."
Aria: "Did you just say soothsayer? I kind of want to leave town after all that shit. I mean, first of all, we already had this happen in Brookhaven, where a creepy psychic turned out to be working for A, and I felt like a dick that time and I'm startin' to feel like a dick this time. Second of all, how could any of that shit be true? Spencer, back me up. Come on."
Spencer: "Okay, she was laying it on a bit thick. But it doesn't matter if it's objectively true, because this is still just hocus-pocus, close-up magic. You're not taking your skepticism far enough. It doesn't matter if we believe her, it matters that Alison believed her. This isn't about proving The Grunwald is a nutcase, it's about saving our asses, and maybe our friends."
Hanna: "I kind of believe her, and I also agree with Spencer."
Emily: "Yeah, plus her stated goal is to keep us from helping Gasmask find Alison, which means Ali will be at this thing. So like, what are you even getting weird about?"
Aria: "Kinda starting to wish I'd checked the sizing on those suits, actually. Fuck it. Let's get some old-timey clothes and crash this Ravenswood party."

BUT A MAN

Is watching them from the shadows, and once they're inside the old-timey clothes shop he heads away across the street... and then we see Ezra enter the A-Lair, which the girls have tossed pretty impressively, and slam the armoire door in a rage!

A-TAG

Over lots of retro wartime signage, a creepy old song plays in an unrecognizable room -- and Gasmask is suiting up. See you in 55 days for the big two-hour crossover!